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10 Atari Games that contributed to the Crash of 1984.
The history and info behind the game market collapse of 1984 is a very fascinating and informative one.
It's very intriguing to hear on how in the early days of console gaming. That Atari gave its partners complete and total freedom over what properties and games could be made for the 2600. It didn't matter how good it was, how stupid the idea, or how offensive it was, as long as it was assured profit, it could be made.
These liberal 3rd party practices were a disaster. Majority of the games were just either cash-ins,poorly distributed clones of other popular titles, and very shoddy Arcade conversions.
There are 10 2600 games that put the "In" in "Insulting". These 10 games suck. 9 of them suck ass and 3 of them are so abysmal,so horridly executed that the concept of them should be considered "Crimes Against Humanity".
So without further ado, let's begin:
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E.T. Publisher: Atari. Released: November 23,1982.
The year: 1982. The place: Sunnyvale,CA. The time of the year: Mid Summer. Steve Spielberg's "E.T." is the hottest thing in America. The epic Family drama is winning the hearts of everyone and the merchandise is selling like hotcakes. So Atari's most logical step in assuring some revenue from the brand? Get the license from MCA Universal, and make a game based of the film for the 2600 7 have it out ready for Christmas of '82. Trouble is, the designer had 5 Weeks to make the game, you can't make a good game in 5 weeks. Nobody can.
About 5 days after the release of the film once its strong returns were coming in. Ray Kassar phoned designer Howard Scott Warshaw and asked him if could make an ET game, Warsaw obliged happily but stated it wouldn't be ready until February 1983, Kassar then asked him to get the game out by Christmas, The young designer shrugged and said "okay".
Warshaw did his best to save face in the 5 weeks he had to program and design the game. He tested the game himself several times and found it to be playable,tolerable but still flawed. The game's learning curve was convoluted and Howard tried his best to explain in the instruction manual, but even then, he couldn't elaborate very well.
E.T. was released on November 23,1982 a week before Michael Jackson's Thriller LP. Atari made the unfortunate mistake of mass producing the game and printed more copies of the cartridge than there were of actual manufactured VCS SKUs. Bad idea. Because there were too many copies, Atari took a hit in return sales. The game sold very strongly, the problem was that the stock was over-saturated and so 8 months into its release, Atari was forced to destroy millions of unsold copies.
E.T. does get alot of bad rap. Although it is a bad game, its actually a well designed game that suffers from one major flaw: It's Cryptic as hell.
Chase The Chuck Wagon. Publisher: Purina Raltson. Developer: Spectravision. Released: May 1983.
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This mundane piece of shit is infamous for its extreme Rarity and overall idiotic idea: You play a guy that must help his dog chase a wagon that drops dog food while avoiding obstacles. Its fun for about half an hour than it gets repetitive.
The idea of making a game for Dog lovers itself is utterly moronic. Animal lovers don't play video games. The whole thing was just a quick cash in for Purina. The only way you could get the game is by sending in 40 proofs of purchases of Purina "Puppy Chow" dog food.
Gopher. Publisher: US Games. Developer: James Wickstead Design. Released: October 1982.
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A poorly designed, barely functional knock off of "Dig Dug" using a Gopher theme. Nuff' said.
Porky's. Publisher: FOX Video. Developer: DEM Corp. Released: March 1983.
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What the Hell? Who thought it was a good idea to make a game based off the 1981 Canadian sex comedy? I don't see crap games about "Fast Times" or "Private School". So why rip-off Freeway with the "Porky's" title slapped on it?
The game itself is arbitrary and stupid. You play a pervert named "Pee-Wee"(that's not funny) who must blow up a strip club while sneaking in a little peak in the showers yourself.(Facepalm) Anyway, the game is crap. Another movie-license that blows garbage. The controls are stiff, the graphics aren't nothing to write about and the sound is annoying. The game EVEN blatantly plagiarizes E.T.! Thats reaching for the bottom of the barrel.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Publisher: Wizard. Released: March 15,1983.
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In late 1982, the idea of playing a horror based game was unheard of. But one company dared boldly to break that mold: Wizard. They were ambitious about their game and thought people would respect them for it. To their surprise, they were slandered and chastised for it.
Why? because the game is absolutely offensive and stupid. The idea of you playing Leatherface scoring points by chopping up and dismembering women is repugnant. Never mind the overall annoying sound effects, what’s supposed to be the girls screaming instead sounds like beeping. The cryptic nature of the gameplay itself is also what sinks this ship. Leatherface’s optical are just plan asinine. Bikes. Bull Skulls, Trees, Houses. How derivative can you get?
TCM was to Quote James Rolfe: “A Tragic failure that tried to Aim for the Adult market. It’s pixilated violence was enough to get it banned from retailers or hidden behind counters, limited its sales to obscurity.”
Cathouse Blues/Philly Flasher. Publisher: Mystique. Developer: PlayAround. Released: December 7, 1982.
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We were discussing this embarrassing footnote in Atari history. There were actual “Adult” games made for the 2600. I can’t believe this. Some asshole actually thought it was a good idea to program and sell pornographic games on the terrible graphics and primitive hardware of the 2600. Why?Why?Why? Did this idiot not realize that the 2600 couldn't handle anything close to real with eroticism? Or did he just see a “get- rich- quick “scheme in a video game? “Get Rich Schemes” in gaming usually fall flat on their ass before they get anywhere so why did anyone surmise this idea might work?
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These games are absolutely horrible. Just pathetic jokes in gaming. Terrible graphics, convoluted concepts and the most idiotic laughable double entundres ever to grace a game. The titles and Box Art are also very random and make no sense at all. What’s Philly Flasher? The game isn’t about a flasher, its about two cons jerking off to an old Hansel and Gretel witch lactating yellow milk? What The HELL is this sick ass shit? What kinda of a sick bastard would get off on something like this? It’s the male version of “Beat ‘Em and Eat ‘Em” except to score points you catch milk from the Witches’ titties .(Facepalms)
Cathouse Blues is even weirder. Its about an armless guy going around a neighborhood and having sex with women. Yeah, I haven’t nothing left to say about this.
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Beat em and Eat Em. Publisher: Mystique. Developer: PlayAround. Released: October 26, 1982.
Beat Em and Eat Em is the most offensive, unpleasant and disgusting game I have ever laid eyes on. Did Mystique REALLY think that women played video games let alone in 1982? That was obvious what they were aiming for. But do you really think a woman would want to play this, watching a bunch of undistinguishable blocks and pixels that are supposed to be horny women swallowing seminal fluid? The boxart is even more confusing, it shows some whore licking an ice cream cone, but the semen in the game is yellow, not white. All the Playaround games use kindergarten jingles like “Happy Birthday” when you score an extra live or “Skunk in the Barnyard” when the inmates in Philly Flasher start beating it, WHAT?
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X-MAN. Publisher: Universal Gamex. Developer: Gamex. Released: April 1983.
The title is completely misleading. This game has nothing to do with the “X-MEN”, it’s ANOTHER porno game for the 2600 and believe it or not, it’s actually WORSE than the Mystique games.
Its basically a Pac-Man knockoff with a hardcore porn twist. The entire concept is forced and contrived and the execution is unbelievably horrendous. You play a college sophomore who’s objective us to get laid while avoiding dumb-ass and arbitrary enemies like Crabs, Scissors, Wrenches and killer teeth?!
Once you scroll through the boring and sluggish mazes, your treated to two sex scenes with some woman(presumably his ex-girlfriend), doggy style and fellatio. Rinse, Lather, Repeat. Over and over again.
This game was actually designed by a porn director named Alan Roberts.(Speak of the devil) It turns out, Roberts was looking for a quick cash in and wanted to aim the game at his adult video consumer audience(adult video begin to catch fire by 1983) Maybe Roberts should have actually put some effort into designing a good game. Wait, he didn’t give a shit about games, he just figured “Sex Sells” would work in video games. He was WRONG. The game was a commercial and critical disaster and since the game was released just 6 months after Custer’s Revenge, the backlash against adult games on 2600 was being heard louder than before. Thankfully, Gamex learned their lesson “Sex does NOT sell in video games” and was never heard from again.
Custer’s Revenge. Publisher: Mystique. Developer: Playaround. Released: October 12,1982.
This is hands down the most controversial game of all time. It redefines “Offensive content” with its depiction of an Indian woman. It was not only the first in a colleague of Adult Atari games that sucked and were horribly executed. It was also mostly responsible for creating the misconception that video gaming is nothing more than a novelty. This game repelled people from video games.
Released in October of 1982, Custer’s Revenge depicts a cowboy(famous union general George Custer raping a helpless Indian maid tied to a pole while avoiding arrows) Wow. That’s both offensive and disturbing at the same time. First of all, did the morons at Mystique do any research? If they did they’d learn that Custer was a Union General and that he didn't rape Indians because he ALREADY had an Indian maid lover named Monaseetah!
The game is pretty laughable for about 5 minutes before it gets boring. Very quickly. This game is nothing but a sick joke. I’d advise anyone to avoid it like the plague. It caused a huge uproar, offending everyone from Sioux Indians and ALL Native Americans, to Women’s groups and Parents. Like all adult Atari games, it was sold in a leather case and hidden behind store shelves.
Because I hate this game so much, I’m going to post this video that hits every single point about this offensive pile of vomit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1vR-znLmBk
#1. Pac-Man. Publisher: Atari. Developer: Namco. Released: November 17,1981.
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This is it folks. This is the game that single handily caused the crash. Not E.T., this horrendous,half-assed, rushed piece of shit Arcade port. Pac-Man 2600 is so crappy, so bad that it sucked out nearly all the marketing reputation and credibility of Atari and left a permanent scar on Atari’s name.
The year is 1981, Pac-Man is an Arcade sensation and it’s a craze is sweeping the nation. Atari knows that a home port would set them on fire and bring it massive piles of cash. So Atari easily was able to get the license from Namco and put tremendous capital into hurrying a 2600 port out in time for Christmas 1981 while putting intense marketing into its release, sans actual effort into its development or quality.
When millions of Americans opened up their copy of Pac-Man 2600 on Christmas day 1981, they were treated with a broken ,barely-functional, horribly designed, abysmal port of the smash hit game. Lots of flickering, terrible graphics, and bizarre telephone sound effects that turned them off and rubbed them the wrong way. Like E.T., Atari produced way too many copies and like E.T., Atari had to destroy millions of unsold copies because there weren't enough 2600s in America to be sold with the game.
So why is Pac-Man 2600 number #1 on my list? Two things: 1. IT was what led to cash-ins and BAD games. 2. Atari was so embarrassed by its disaster, that it tried to berate the terrible port by misleading people in its 5200 ads into thing that it was the ColecoVision version when it was in fact footage of their own crappy port.
By the Spring of 1984, copies of the port were being sold for $.25. While at the time most Atari games were bargin bin, this was indeed pathetic. Showing just how worthless this port really was. It was games like this that mad retailers thing gaming was a fad that had come and gone.
