Originally Posted by
Metal_Sonic
Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
A Rabbi and a Priest are walking down the street when they see a 7 year old boy come out of a candy store.
The Priest says "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid with me?"
to which the Rabbi replies "Out of what?"
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A surgeon is taking a class of trainees to see a cadaver for the first time. He tells them that it's really important that they familiarise themselves with the corpse, so he says "Do exactly as I do"
He then sticks his finger into the dead guys anus, pulls it out and sucks on it. Then he lines up the students and says "Now your turn."
Obediently, one by one, grimacing as they do, they all in turn, put their fingers in the guys ass and then suck on them.
Once they all complete the task, the surgeon says "It's also important that you learn to be observant. I put my ring finger in his ass and my index finger in my mouth"
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My wife being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of those mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead
I locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other night. It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger.
I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
I ran into Hitler. I was surprised to see him and asked him what he was up to? He said "This time I am going to kill 6 million Jews and two clowns!"
"Two Clowns? Why are you going to kill two clowns?"
"See? Nobody cares about zee Jews."
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I'm not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for black people
A married couple down on their luck decides to make a few extra bucks by reluctantly having the wife work the corner. After the first day the husband picks her up and asks "how did you do?". She says, "I did pretty well, I made $200.50". He asks, "What as*hole gave you 50 cents?" and she replies "all of them".
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning." He replied, "No, just taking a sh*t."
So this old man is walking down the street in Brooklyn. He sees a young boy sitting on the street in front of a candy shop, shoving sweets in his mouth as fast a possible. The man walks up to the boy and says "You know son, its really not healthy to eat all that candy." The kid looks up at him and says, "You know my grandfather lived to be 97 years old." The man replies "Oh and did he eat a lot of candy?" The kid looks at him and says "No, but he minded his own fucking business."
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "Fuck off! You won't bring it back."
